Monday, June 27, 2011

Are You Just Hearing of this? Well You're Too Late.

   There's a movement underfoot. They are already amongst us and entrenched in society. They know shit that you will never know. Their parents are very passive and dim. They can sense your apprehension about them and maybe, maybe not-- want to kill you. They are the Indigo Children and they have come to change our shitty diaper and way of life.  
   As of last week, I've been writing a informative piece on these little bastards. They are real. google it if you think I'm nuts. This will be my largest investigative endeavor to date so please bear with me. It could save your life maybe--maybe not. Catching one of these fuckers in the wild is hard!  Sometime in the future, coming from the 5th dimension of consciousness, I present to you, a bona-fide interview with an all knowing shitbag Indigo Child.. Stay tuned.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

2 years as a hermaphrodite...

   This is a photo of me and my surgically excised vagina from 1997. I'd like to thank Burnside for encouraging  me to come out with it and to not be ashamed of it. When I first showed it to Sage, L.J. and Pigpen, I thought they would cast me off as a unwanted freak. They're some gnarly dudes. But quite the opposite happened on that day, They were noticably turned on and I think they were already scheeming to try and get me in the sack! If memory serves me right, Sage was the most excited of the bunch and quickly exposed his junk at it and exclaimed ," Lemme fuck it!" There's video footage of that day that I wish would turn up. I think Dirty Butt has it.  
   From that day forth, I skated untethered from ridicule under that bridge for 2 years. Sure there was the occasional cat-calls to "show them my pussy" but I believe it was all in good fun and I never felt pressured by anyone to really do it. I wasn't in fear of being overpowered by any of the boys so sometimes at parties I would show it off to everyone and bask in the beauty of some tip-top surgical mastery.
  The hardest part about caring for my new genitallia was coming to grips with "Aunt Flo" or the current of "Red River" if you catch my drift. I was a card carrying male for 24 years and having to manage my time of month was quite the experience.  There were days where I'd mull around the house in my sweatpants, eating a gallon of ice cream and making everyone around me miserable. I made myself mierable too because I was also conversly male and I couldnt understand why I was being such a bitch to myself!
   And then it all changed... Heartbreak. That fateful day when my beautiful vagina sealed up and seemed gone forever. My Dr. explained it to me that sometimes the body miscarries the new organ and seeks to heal itself back to original form. He assured me we could try again if I wished it so but the anguish and pain of my loss had defeated my resolve.  Almost 2 years to the day, I had to accept that I wasnt meant to be a modern chimera. I was gonna have to be okay with just being Mike. A man. No more,no less. 
  I will sometimes ponder this picture and remember it as a time when inner beauty inside myself was at its zenith. When social and sexual walls were crumbling at the sight of such spectacle.  I cannot ever look back with regret or denial that I helped to further this notion. I must carry these truths with me forever and show others that its okay to love yourself no mattter what. 

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Its a Smol(ik) world, we just live in it.

    Dear God, I must ask...What have I done to have forsaken thee? Hello..? God?
        T.B.L.,O.D.S., and JR. ...Hopefully not "Laced" on anything but 40's and the occasional spleef. (I think thats what the youth are calling them these days).

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Talk about Zen...This Dude....

  I got his phone number, I'm going to call him. I'm going to say "Hi." I'm gonna ask him stuff about stuff. He's gonna answer maybe. Or not. Heard his phone might be out of minutes.. Coming live from the underbelly of Kanis rear parking, banging in Little Rock....Sleazy Steve Graham of dope n' shit.

We were so.....Gnarly?


         I had been digging around my house for a folder containing all my old photos and couldnt find them. Turns out my Wife stashed them in a box labeled" Wedding Stuff."Okay, sure.. When we were moving to our current home I recall my Father- In -Law unloading that box out and joking,  "Hmm..Wedding Stuff..Should I just move this into the garage then?" Guess you had to be there.  Naturaly I looked in EVERY other place and box other than that one. It layed there dormant for almost 6 months of digging.--- Until yesterday. I was asked to email The Duke a graphic that I had stashed in that folder for a possible graphic on some Terror boards and came up on some photo gems as well. They're all shot on film... You know, before Technology made our lives so much way better? Looking over them, there is a gritty feel captured that you just cant replicate with the DSLR's or whatevayacallems'.
    The first Photo is of Fat Chris on a Terror Tour stop in S.F throwing a hissy fit in the truck. I thought he might like to see it. His fits were ledgendary! Probably pertaining to lack of weed, no gatorade, or maybe a lack of chicken wings from Safeway deli. Photo 2 is from a seperate trip up the I-5 to Portland with the customary stop at  the late great Vagabond in 110 degree heat. I saw Lincolns lady Hollys' boob fall out of her shirt on a frontside double trucker in the deep end. Thanks Holly! Photo 3 shows Chica drooling on all our gear and Glens' reaction to my lame coice of flare( I'm wearing a stupid bandanna on my head) It's for the sweat Glen! yeah, sure.. I have a shit ton more that I'll be posting through the week. I got some good stories to tell about some of them but probably nothing to do with feces. Enjoy.

Monday, June 6, 2011

You're supposed to pay me for being awesome..

   What you see above is the day by day decline of my blog visitors since starting this blog 3 days ago. If this keeps up I'll have to pull the plug and file for bankruptcy. Its not that hard folks, you just need to visit my page as much if not more than your Facebook or Twitter and I can keep the lights on. What you get in return is the peace of mind that I'll be here when you return instead of homeless in the street holding a sign that reads "My blog failed and now I need money for crack, god bless."If that happens its not going to be a pretty sight friends. ...Trust me.